Being a Single Mum on Father’s Day
So it’s Fathers Day this Sunday and as someone who blogs about life as a Single Mum, I kind of felt like I should be writing something to mark the occasion. But honestly, I hadn’t really given it much thought other than this morning when I realised, “Oh shit it’s THIS Sunday I better go out and buy the cards!”
I get why Fathers Day can be hard for a lot of families when there isn’t a dad around. Whatever the circumstances were that led you to being a single parent, being a Single Mum on Father’s Day can still be a difficult time. I get why it makes a lot of single mums sad, angry, even bitter. I mean you have to see you’re kids hurt, angry, upset and confused about the absence of their dads on this day when marking how great Fathers are is everywhere. There’s the questions it brings up. How do you handle the day – should you pretend it isn’t happening or should you be open and honest about it? On top of that you have to deal with your own feelings and emotions as well.
For you, this Sunday will suck.
But to be honest, Fathers Day for me is still about celebrating my Dad and Step Dad. We’ve never celebrated Aiden’s Dad’s Fathers Day, because he’s never been here for one . I feel sad for that. Not sad for me or even for Aiden anymore. But sad for his Dad missing out on so much. As far as his Dad goes, there’s no tears left to cry. We’ve felt it, we’ve adapted. We’ve moved forward.
I Won’t Celebrate Him But I Will Feel Thankful
I wont celebrate his Dad, he’s done nothing to deserve any recognition on this day. What I will do though is take a moment to feel thankful.. Not thankful to him as a person. But thankful that I met him. No I’m not crazy – I’m not drunk either.
You see, no matter what a selfish creep he is, no matter how heartless he’s been, no matter how much I hate him for not getting his shit together for Aidens sake. Without him, I wouldn’t have Aiden. So I’m thankful that I met him. Yeah sure in an ideal world I would have met the man of my dreams, fell in love and lived happily ever after in a mansion in the country holidaying 4 times a year with a chef to make me chocolate things when ever I wanted AND had Aiden. But still, I’m thankful.
It certainly doesn’t mean I forgive him. It definitely doesn’t mean I like him. It Just means that I’ll never regret meeting him because what was the hardest time I’ve ever experienced in my life, ended in the best way possible. It ended with me having Aiden. Without my ex, I wouldn’t have experienced the last 2 and a half years as I have – where a new, greater, greatest part of my life started.
Will It Always Be like This?
This year Aiden is still too young to know there’s anything significant about the day. Maybe next year when he’s a bit older it’ll be a whole different story and a harder situation to tackle. We’ve had a taste of the questions being asked already. So next year, maybe more questions, more upset (for us both?) We’ll deal with that if and when the time comes. But for now, I’m focusing on the good. The positives. And right now, that is that before the twat buggered off, he had the decency to leave me the best gift I could have ever been given. Aiden.
I know not every single mum is in the good place I am right now – maybe if I were on my period and a hormonal mess or hadn’t just had a week of toddler bliss after a month of toddler tantrum HELL I wouldn’t be quite so optimistic and chirpy. I’m the first one to shout about what a shit day I’ve had or how hard life as a single mum is. Maybe this time next year when Aiden is aware that there’s something about the day that he’s not in on I’ll be a sobbing, emotional, guilt ridden wreck calling his dad all the names under the sun.
I just know that it’s so easy to focus on how hard things are, because they are hard. Taking time out for one day wont make the rest of the year any easier doing it alone, but it gives you a chance to stop and remember how blessed you are.
Happy Father’s Day To Two Great Dads & Two Great Granda’s
So we wont be celebrating his Dad, or feeling sad, or avoiding the situation. Instead we’ll be celebrating that because of that time his Dad was in my life, we ended up together. Aiden and I. And by god do I love our life.
Then I’ll then carry on celebrating my Dad and my step Dad and Aiden can celebrate his Granada’s. They, for now, are his male role models. And I’m glad they are.
How do you deal with Father’s Day? Leave a comment below and be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss new posts every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
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