The Day I Got My Ass Kicked By A Tiny Human # Bad Mum Day

Bad mum day - The day i got my ass kicked by a tiny human

Feast your eyes on this….

We were meant to be having this fancy pasta thing with an avocado dressing and salad for tea tonight.  But when the time came to make it I thought, “Sod it! Cheese on toast, water melon and a Petits Filous it is!”

See, today’s the day I got my ass kicked by a tiny human (# bad mum day). And after oh, maybe say, 10.5 hours? I quite frankly no longer give a shit!


I Got My Ass Kicked by a Tiny Human


What got into him today?

Oh I dunno…..

Maybe me saying no to his demand for a Nobbly Bobbly (an ice lolly!) for breakfast? Or maybe me putting him in the wrong car t-shirt because he wanted his other car t-shirt so then I put him in the other car t-shirt but that was wrong too because he actually wanted the first car t-shirt. Blah. Or maybe, he just woke up in the mood to be a little monkey for the day (trust me, not the word I’ve been using all day).

Whatever the reason he’s been on a rampage to tip mummy over the edge – all dam day long!


The day started like any other

Awakened around 6.45am with the bellows of “‘Mum get up! Get. Up!”

But since I was woken up yesterday morning to the sweet sound of “Mummy I missed you”. I figured ach, I’ll take it. He wants me to ‘GET.UP’ because he’s missed me……obviously.

After breakfast, which was fairly non-eventful, I went to have a wash. Then I came down to find his jigsaws, all 9 boxes of jigsaws that he owns, spewed all over the rug in the living room. In one. Great. Big. Pile. With a very proud ‘little monkey’ (still not my words) declaring “Mummy look! A mess!”.

“Yep”, I replied, “A mess!”

“Hmmmm, 9 jigsaws. That’s an average of 30 pieces per jigsaw. Which is around 270 jigsaw pieces to sort through and put back in their respective boxes”, I thought as I sat waiting for Aiden to come out of hiding so I could get him dressed since we only had 9 minutes left to get ready. But I smiled calmly and let it go.


Breath, let it go. Life quote


‘Let It Go’. – a new mantra I’m trying out in times of stress – I’m doing yoga videos on YouTube and the instructor insists that soon I will be able to put all of my negative thoughts into a balloon (a metaphorical one, I think) then when I let it go I will no longer be a stressed out, anxiety ridden, exhausted, overthinking, woman pushed to the edge of sanity by a toddler….. if I just…….breath….. ‘Let It Go’. (I’m trying. But with a toddler that’s a hell of a lot of stress to fit into one tiny metaphorical balloon).

I also knew that it was nursery day which meant 4 hours of silence with my feet up watching Big Little Lies (or is it Little Big Lies? I can never remember) eating the left-over chocolate trifle that’s in the fridge. But not before I bundled ‘little monkey’ into his car seat – after he decided to play a game of ‘can’t catch me’ around the car. Of course.


Yet here I am

It’s now 6.20 pm, I’m feeding the kid cheese on toast (which I also had for lunch), watermelon and a Petit Filous while still wearing the PJ’s I’ve refused to take off all day (yep that’s right folks, I did the nursery run in my jammie bottoms.  I have officially entered slummy mummyhood!). I’m also contemplating sneaking through to Granny’s house and dropping ’little monkey’ (definitely not the words I’ve been using) at the front door with a bag and a note saying, “Mummy will be back in approximately 2.5 years in time for P1′ while repeating “LET IT GO,. LET IT GO. LET IT GO.” Over and over and over again….. IT’S NOT WORKING!!!!! # bad mum day!!!


What Tipped Mummy Over the Edge?

Hmmmmm, it’s hard to pinpoint exactly which incident did it.

Maybe the moment I dusted and hoovered the living room then cleaned the windows until they were spotless and sparkling only for ‘little monkey’ to come along after me and ‘help’ by cleaning them with furniture polish………?

Or maybe it was ‘little monkey’ getting his hands on the tub of fudge brownie muffins I made the other day. Taking A bite out of all of them, scattering them all over the floor and smudging them into my just hoovered carpet………?

Perhaps, it was having his milk cup splattered all over my just washed kitchen floor because “Muuuuum, just ’cause that’s been my favourite cup for the last month does not mean it’s still my favourite cup today!” or at least that’s what I think was the gist of the jabbering, screaming, feet stomping rant.

Or what about the fact that I actually got around to washing my bed sheets (usually a weekly chore but I’ve been slacking and it’s been….. god knows how long).  I got them washed, hung outside in the sun, ironed, made up on the bed only to return 10 minutes later to find them all over the floor. And how did they get there???  With Aiden’s grubby chocolate muffin stained hands. Freshly washed, dried outside in the sun, ironed white sheets now look like they’re covered in shit stains!

It might have even been the 500 ball pit balls being launched down the stairs or the pen that got drawn on the wall in the hall or the entire contents of Aiden’s wardrobe getting hauled out all over the floor in his search to find the car t-shirt he’s changed him mind about again………?

But, I’m pretty sure that what really sent me into woman on the edge mode was Aiden finally managing to climb out of the living room window, down onto the garden bench and making a run for it half way up the street with a pyjama clad wreck of a mummy bolting after him when I realised he was being far too quiet and content given how the day had gone so far.


Good mum having bad day. Motherhood quote


So here we are

6.45pm its been a very bad mum day.  The living room looks a state – I mean, really looks a state. Mummy looks like a state – I mean really looks a state. And Aiden…..

Well Aiden couldn’t be better! He’s happily prancing around the living room wearing an outfit made entirely out of 3 pairs of mummy’s pants he collected off the washing stand watching Toy Story 3, eating cheese on toast, watermelon and Petite Filous while singing.!!!!

All the while I’m counting down the next 44.59 minutes to bed time when I will then do an anxiety and stress yoga routine so I can ‘let it all go’ before bed……

Who the **** am I kidding!? I’m climbing straight into my shit stained bed sheets with the chocolate chip muffins I’ve managed to salvage from the living room carpet and the last of the chocolate trifle I didn’t finish this morning because I didn’t want to be a pig, to watch Beauty and the Beast and fall asleep so that I can end this nightmare of a day.


Today’s the day i got my ass kicked by a tiny human

Luckily however, days like today are few and far between (thank ****).  It’s like he saves up all his ‘little monkey’ (bet you can guess the words I’ve been using now!?) behaviour for one epic hurricane of a day cause, lets face it, that’s waaaay more fun!

Tomorrow is a new day and I’ll wake up refreshed (probably feeling like I’m hungover) and I’ll kick ass.

But as for tonight, I’m accepting defeat and the fact that I’m the one who got the ass kicking with dignity, chocolate smeared all over me and my bed sheets and most likely a bottle of wine in my hand!

Goodnight y’all!


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4 thoughts on “The Day I Got My Ass Kicked By A Tiny Human # Bad Mum Day

  1. haha oh babe… Some days they wake up with the intent to be little shitheads haha. I love that you don’t sensor that and act like all is perfect, because I bet you a mum will read this and take solace in the fact that her child was acting up too and this will just inspire her <3

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