Why I Write My Single Mummy Self
Of the 100s of comments and messages I’ve received since I started this blog almost 4 months ago, I’m proud that what I’ve written so far has helped so many people feel like they’re not alone or feel better after having a bad mum day. I’m so thankful that you took the time to send me messages telling your story.
I write this blog to help others feel like they are not alone, to believe that they can keep going no matter how tough it is and give inspiration to anyone who feels like they can relate to whatever I am writing about.
Some posts might really speak to you, some not so much. One post might read like it is your own life where as the other might be completely unrelatable. I just write about whatever is on my mind at the time or whatever parts of my motherhood journey I feel inspired to share. A lot of that involves challenges for single mums because that IS my experience.
But in a frustrated Facebook message I received from someone, I was told they were sick of single mums expecting ‘more credit’ just because they are single. She continued to tell me that she is at home all day while her husband is at work and feels like she’s a single mum a lot of the time but doesn’t demand the extra credit that single mums do….
The title of my blog is My Single Mummy Self because I am a single mummy. But I write about all aspects of parenting, it just happens to include some parts about being a single mum, the challenges, the difficult times etc. because that is my experience and what I know.
When I write about shit days with a toddler, I’m not implying that only single mums have those days. Toddlers can be shits whether Daddy is coming home at night or not.
When I write about struggling or ways to cope, I am offering advice based on my experiences and if married mums can take some inspiration away from that too them great! That’s why I write the posts I do – to help any mum who feel’s they can relate and needs a pick me up.
Do I believe parenting is hard regardless of your circumstances? Yes.
Do I believe there is a difference to ‘feeling’ like a single mum until your husband gets home from work and actually ‘being’ a single mum? Yes.
Do I believe that single parents deserve extra credit? No.
Do I want special praise or recognition? No.
Do I want pity, sympathy or a pat on the back? No.
The only measurement of my success as a mum that I care about is my Son. Seeing him happy and taken care of is all the validation I need to know I’m doing it right.
My blog is not intended to pit one mum against the other or insinuate that anyone has it better or worse than the other because I believe that motherhood is not a competition.
Motherhood is a lot of things, but it’s not a competition
Whether it’s comparing single mums and married mums, working mums and stay at home mums, debates about why breast is best, organic home cooked meals v throwing something from the freezer straight into the oven, moaning about motherhood or being thankful for each and every second of the blessing you have been given to be a mother. It seems like judgement is everywhere.
Motherhood is not a competition but rather than stand up for one and other, congratulate each other on making it through each phase and milestone in whichever way we chose to do it, we are finding ways to compare every little thing. Judge what we don’t agree with and criticise what we don’t understand.
If motherhood is not a competition why do people feel the need to compare one and other? Are the people preaching and judging looking for validation for themselves?
Single mums, married mums, divorced mums, widowed mums, stay at home mums, working mums, mums with toddlers, mums with teenagers, mums with 1 child, mums with 10… it’s not a competition to see who can say they have it worse, who works the hardest or who is the strongest.
Mum’s need to stick together. Fuck it, women need to stick together full stop. Not put each other down. Life is hard enough, who needs that shit on top of it?
We need to learn to love each other and respect each others choices no matter how different they may be to our own.
We need to reach out to one and other and accept help when it’s offered in return – not try to outdo one and other.
We need to not judge people because of their circumstances and the situations they find themselves in.
We need to encourage people, inspire them, help them make the most of the life they have.
We need to believe and understand that there is no such thing as the perfect mother. None of us are and none of us should try to be.
Motherhood is not a competition. Our goals are all the same; we all want to raise healthy, happy children. We don’t need to be better than each other. We just need to be the best mum possible for our kids. If you are doing what YOU feel is best for your children and they are well fed and taken care of then you are doing it right!
Every parent has up days and down days. Happy times and sad times. Times when you believe wholeheartedly in what you’re doing and times when you question every single choice you’re making.
Every mum has times when they feel like supermum, empowered enough to take on the world and then times when they feel like they’re losing the will to live. Its life. It’s motherhood. Its parenthood.
But It’s not a competition.
Thanks for reading x
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