10 Reasons Why It’s GREAT to Be a Single Mum
I’m not gonna lie, I thought it was going to be really hard to write this post and really hard to find 1 or 2 Reasons Why It’s Great to be a Single Mum, never mind 10.
I started and stopped then restarted a few times.
Then one night I sat down with a cuppy and watched Aiden play. He was building his jigsaws, a new skill he’s recently learned. He’s growing so fast. I used to hate it when people said, “make the most of it, they grow so fast”. But it’s true. Sometimes it seems like overnight they change.
As I watched my little boy, who really is a proper little boy now, playing, learning, I started thinking about our life together. What is it I love so much about my life now I’m a mum and why am I so happy even though I’m doing it alone?
Then before I knew it I was writing. Rattling off point after point.
I think sometimes you get so caught up in how hard it is – because you really do struggle sometimes and it seems like it is never going to get easier – that you can miss all the wonderful things because sometimes they seem few and far between.
But as I watched him, I got a chance to remind myself about how much I love being a mum and how doing it on my own isn’t all doom and gloom, in fact there are quite a few perks that come with the job! Here’s 10 reasons why it’s great to be a single mum. For the other side of the coin see my 10 Reasons Why It’s Hard to be a Single Mum.
ONE: It Gives You Strength You Never Knew You Had
When I was pregnant I knew there was a 50/50 chance my child would be born with serious health problems that I have and I had to wait for him to be born before I could find out.
When I was pregnant my partner ‘changed his mind’ about wanting to start a family with me and left me for someone else.
When I was pregnant I had to move to a new house because it turned out the flat I lived in had a serious damp problem.
When I was pregnant I had no job because the gym I worked in closed a month before hand and I couldn’t find another one.
When I was pregnant, I was terrified about becoming a mum for the first time and terrified about how I would cope alone.
When I was pregnant my entire life fell apart.
When I was pregnant I had to build a whole new life for myself and my unborn son from scratch.
And I did it.
I got through EVERYTHING that life and a selfish asshole threw at me all at once. It took strength I never realised I had in me. But I did it. Because I had someone else to do it for. Aiden was on his way out whether I liked it or not and I wanted him to have a good life.
When you’re a single mum you continue to need strength every day. You have to handle everything life throws at you for the sake of your child. With no emotional support or back up. Some days you feel like you don’t have any fight left and yet somehow you carry on. You get through each and every obstacle time after time, each and every phase, each and every tantrum. That’s true strength and I’m glad I’ve got it.
TWO: I Never Miss a Moment
This especially for those single mums with dads who aren’t involved at all.
True, I have no one to leave him with and as we discovered in the Reasons Why it’s Hard to be a Single Mum, this means a simple trip to Tesco for a pint of milk becomes 50 minutes of HELL.
Yes, I rarely get a break but this also means that I never miss a single moment.
All the huge moments, the milestones.
His first smile, his first words, the first time he rolled over, the first time he walked, the first day at nursery, his first Christmas and the first time he saw Santa, the first time walking on the sand at the beach……
I have been there and will continue to be there for everything (usually with a camera in my hand to film it!) and I love that! I love that I have experienced every single moment with this little boy. That makes the lack of ‘breaks’ all worth it.
THREE: You Make Them Feel Safe
For the few weeks that Aiden’s dad actually made an appearance, he used to get annoyed that when Aiden was crying and wanted comfort, it was mummy that he wanted.
Daddy took 2 weeks to show up to meet him and even then for the short time he was around it was only a once or twice a week for a few hours.
Because of this, Aiden bonded with me and not with his dad.
I was the one there every night when he woke up for a feed, I was the one there every time he cried and needed comfort. I was the one who was there to hold him, change him, bathe him, clothe him. It was all me. I was all he knew.
The fact that Aiden automatically reached for mummy when he was upset, or hungry, or needed comfort annoyed his dad. So much so that he would make me feel guilty for being the one Aiden wanted. To the point I would try not to reach for Aiden, I would fight the natural urge inside me to comfort my child.
But soon his dad left and it was just the two of us again.
Whenever he’s ill, whenever he falls, whenever he’s scared. It’s mummy who takes
all that away and makes it better.
I LOVE that whenever Aiden wants comfort, it’s me he associates that with. Mummy = safe. Mummy = security. Mummy makes everything better.
FOUR: I Get to be the Superhero
Usually its quotes like “Daddy is my hero” or “Daddy is stronger than batman” that you see…. How daddy can quite literally do anything and everything in the eyes of a child.
But when you’re a single mum, there’s no daddy on hand to take that role, so you’re automatically given it.
I wanted to be able to do it all myself and not rely on anyone else having to step in. To fix his toys if they break and build them up out of the box. Play wrestling and hide and seek with him. I wanted to build flat pack furniture, put up the blinds, wallpaper, paint, do the gardening…..
And with a bit of perseverance (and thanks to google and YouTube) I now do it all!
Aiden thinks I can do anything. Fix anything. That I’m strong. I’m brave. It’s great that he thinks mummy can do it all because by god does it feel like I need 6 pairs of hands and the ability to be in 2 rooms at once sometimes! But mostly, he knows I’m there if he has a nightmare, a bump or if he’s unwell. He knows I’m there to calm him and reassure him and take care of everything. Because to him, I’m a hero.
FIVE: You Have Complete Control Over All Parenting Decisions
Yes, this brings a hell of a lot of pressure and worry sometimes but it means you are ultimately in complete control of how your child is raised.
I get to make all the decisions without having to compromise with someone else’s idea of parenting.
When I was pregnant and trying to be on civil terms with his dad, we met for coffee. He asked what I’d bought for the baby so far (not that he was offering to put his hand in his pocket or anything). I told him I got this great little baby swing with a canape that had light up stars on it. I loved it and couldn’t wait to get my little man in it so I could see his little face (for the record, he HATED it and I ended up giving it away after a month or so!)
His dad’s response? A baby swing is ‘lazy parenting’.
According to daddy of the year mums should be expected to ‘hold’ and comfort their babies at all times instead of plonking them in a chair. Because that’s just……..being lazy (now you see why Aiden’s Daddy buggering off for good was a blessing huh?)
Single parenting means that there is one way, one style, one routine. There is no one interfering, changing things, making you feel like you’re doing it wrong or that you’re ‘lazy’. Which leads nicely on to No. 6
SIX: You Play the Key Role in Shaping the Kind of Person He Will Be
Meaning you can help mould and actual human into the kind of person you want them to be! Now that might be a bit control freaky but hear me out!
With no second parent you don’t have anyone to compromise with (except the child themselves which can be a battle in itself when it comes to Mr Independent).
But you can help build their morals, their beliefs, what they see as being right or wrong. You can do your hardest to make sure they will grow up to be kind and caring and compassionate with respect and manners for everyone.
Yes, there are other people who influence him in his life and they also play a big part in shaping the kind of person he’ll be – granny, aunties, nursery workers. But the main responsibility lies with me.
SEVEN: A Peaceful Upbringing
There are people I know who have stayed in relationships for the sake of the kids. Women whose husbands have had affairs yet they refuse to leave them for fear of being a single parent. I get it. I really do. The thought of doing it alone IS terrifying. And it IS hard.
But to me, what’s worse, is having kids growing up in an unhappy home where there are arguments, tension, an atmosphere and a mummy and daddy who don’t get along.
When you’re a single parent you don’t have to do things to try to please anyone else, you do what you want to do, how you want to do it.
I am under less stress, I’m happier and ultimately I get to focus on just me and Monster – what we want, what makes us happy.
I remember a friend was visiting us one day and she said, “Your house is so peaceful.” And it was. Mind you, Aiden was only about 6 months old, he’s 2 now….. so, our house is not so much peaceful as it is chaotic, messy, food stained carpeted with paw patrol blasting on repeat.
But for the most part I try to keep things as relaxed and chilled out as possible. A happy home – a happy child right?
EIGHT: I Made That!!!
When someone gives me a compliment about Aiden, I feel like I’ve earned the right to take most of the credit!
I’ve said before on here, the best feeling in the world, the best thing anyone can ever say to me is ‘Aiden is a really happy boy’. I feel like because I do it alone, I can feel proud of that. Not only proud of him, but proud of the fact that if he’s happy, I must be doing something right!
I’m the one there teaching him how to eat, to hold a spoon, to crawl, to walk, to talk…. Although other people like his granny play a part in his learning, for the most part, it’s mummy there to cheer him on, to show him how to put one foot in front of the other, to guide him.
Aiden now counts to 15, he builds big boy jigsaws, he knows his colours, some shapes, he’s polite – always says please and thank you (a biggie for me) and sorry when he’s done wrong – he’s kind, he’s funny and sometimes he’s just so dam cute….! And I feel like I can say I’ve played a huge part in that!
He gets his check-ups with the health visitor every so often. And when she tells me he’s bang on where he should be, developing as he should I burst with pride and feel a little bit proud of myself too.
I feel like I want to shout from the roof tops – I did that, I made that amazing little human and I’ve raised him single handily from the day he was born!!!
NINE: Your Child Has the Best Role Model
When daddy buggers off, it’s up to mummy to step up and take on both roles.
When it happened to me, I didn’t let it make me bitter or angry (I did for a while but I didn’t let it consume me).
Instead, I became kinder, more mature, more resilient, more tolerant, less argumentative, less stubborn, less self-centred. I became a better person. I’m independent, self-sufficient, strong because most importantly I am a role model for Aiden.
A single parent’s child (or any child for that matter) learns from their parent’s experiences, behaviour and attitude. I want to be a good role model. I want him to be strong and face what ever life throws at him head on, like what mummy did.
Ok, so maybe him shouting ‘FUCK’ when he drops something isn’t ideal and not my finest parenting moment but for the most part, I think he’s turning out pretty great so far.
TEN: You Get All the Love and Hugs
Possibly the best part of all.
When there’s no second parent around it means that all the love goes to you! I get the good morning cuddles and the good night cuddles. I get the sleepy cuddles, the scared cuddles and the hurt himself cuddles. The I love you cuddles and the I missed you cuddles.
Our bond is so strong. We’re a little team. He’s my mini me. Being this little human’s everything creates an unbreakable bond and I hope it will only get stronger as he gets older.
As a single mummy, I get all the love I could ask for from this one tiny person who loves so hard and so unconditionally.
And that my friends is the best part about being a single mummy.
Like this? Please leave a comment below to tell me what you love most about being a single mummy! Don’f forget to subscribe so you don’t miss new post every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
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