What’s up? The Terrible Twos That’s What
I’ve taken a few weeks off blogging. My one week break to take time out after the 7-week crash course in blogging turned into three. Mainly because it’s the summer holidays and I’m got getting the chance to sit and write. But, also, because I’ve hit another rut.
Here I am. Trying to write an uplifting blog post to inspire other mums and assure them that things will get better. All the while I’m stressed, worn out, drained and now that I’ve actually wrote it down and admitted it, I’m crying.
I was crying yesterday too.
It started with Aiden’s milk cup getting thrown down the stairs because I had my hands full and couldn’t carry it. I calmly said, “Aiden, you’ll have to carry it because mummy’s hands are full.” He shouted “NO!” and lodged it down the stairs with the remaining milk splattering all over the floor I actually had the motivation to wash the day before.
By 10 am, I’d lost count of the number of hissy fits and dramas he’d had and the amount of times I tried to take a deep breath and count to 10. I lost it and yelled. I wasn’t shouting at him. I was shouting at the situation. That it wasn’t even 10 am and here we were repeating the same shit we’d had for the entire day before. And the day before that.
It Never Ends
Every night you watch them sleep. So peaceful and so innocent. You beat yourself up for not being a better mum. Not handling situations better. Not being the mum you imagined you’d be. Every night you kiss them good night, say sorry and that it’ll all be better tomorrow. Tomorrow, we’ll have a good day.
But you don’t even make it down the stairs in the morning before the first item gets thrown and the first screaming match starts.
Yesterday it all got too much. I had so much I had to do but no energy left to do it. I’d been hiding in the back hallway crying where he couldn’t see me and he started shouting, “Mummy, mummy where are you?” I came out and he asked me to play jigsaws with him. I crawled onto the floor beside him. I sat there on the living room floor completely defeated, worn out and trying to stop myself from crying. I was ready to give in. Admit defeat and give up. My body was completely burned out and my mind was drained.
“Mummy, play jigsaw?” He asked as tears started to run down my cheek.
My Terrible Two Year Old Threenager
The terrible twos are back and in full force. Mummy’s ass is getting kicked AGAIN. Everything I thought we’d moved passed, we’re experiencing all over again and it seems this time, he’s learned a few new tricks. Misbehaving, arguing (I get the whole threenager phrase now), climbing EVERYTHING (including out of the living room window), touching everything he isn’t allowed to touch. Breaking things, which is a new one (I can literally hear the thoughts in his head, “Oooh, is this breakable? Let me smash it on the ground and see what happens!”) Answering ‘NO’ to almost everything. Non stop whining, not letting me do anything that doesn’t involve playing with his farm, jigsaws or cars and acting up the minute I try to wash the dishes, do the hoovering or do anything that doesn’t involve him.
I’m getting so frustrated and worn down. Everything has to be a battle of wills resulting in a meltdown for one of us.
For example, the toothbrush incident;
I got his brush and toothpaste ready. But he didn’t want that brush. I got him another brush. But he didn’t want that toothpaste. I washed it off and used a different toothpaste. He didn’t want that brush anymore. So I put that toothpaste onto the first brush. “No! I don’t want it.” I gave up and went to put the brush away, “Noooo I want it.” I get the brush and the paste ready again.He puts the brush in his mouth and immediately says, “Noooooo I don’t want it. Yuck.” Then throws it down and toothpaste splatters everywhere.
This kind of thing happens at meal times, getting ready to go out, getting in the car, bath time, bedtime, 10 o’clock in the morning, 4 o’clock at night, anytime really.
This time around the tantrums have increased in frequency. He cries and throws things then cries for the thing he’s just thrown. I go to pick it up but I get shouted at while he grabs it from me. Like I was the one who took it from him in the first place. I love my boy. But sometimes hes almost unrecognisable. Things that should be fun turn into hell and a shit storm.
Mum Guilt to Boot
I feel guilty. So unbelievably guilty because I just can’t hold it in and I shout.
It’s not that I’m shouting at him. I’m shouting at the frustration of the situation; Aiden not listening or doing the opposite of what I ask. Me always being so tired. Simple tasks that end up taking 5 times as long and double the effort they should. Not being able to leave the room without him following me, not being able to cook the tea without him being under my feet. Not being able to clean because he’s right behind me undoing it all and playing with the cleaning products. Not being able to walk away for some alone time and just generally feeling overwhelmed and worn down by it all.
The frustration that it starts from the minute we wake up to the minute we go to sleep. It being so hard and so relentless.The frustration of moaning about it all the time. The frustration that I can’t just let it go and laugh about it. The frustration of not enjoying being a mum the way I was loving it a year ago.
And the more I shout the more guilty and awful I feel. I feel so sad. This is not how it was supposed to be. All I can do is hope that he has no idea how much I’m struggling or what a cow I’m being. But it’s wearing me down. Sucking what little energy I have out of me. And mainly, it’s not fair on him.
The Terrible Twos Just Plain Suck
I’m reading about ways to deal with, ahem, ‘challenging’ behaviour. You hear a lot about the phrases “the terrible twos” or “toddlerhood”. Even the newfangled term “threenager” I mentioned above.
Whatever you want to call it, quite frankly, toddlers suck!
Yes, we love our kids. We love them more than anything else in the world. We’d do anything for them. They’re amazing. They give our lives meaning. They make us happy and in the end, all we want is for them to be happy. There’s so many proud mummy moments and ‘ahhhh I love you so much!’ moments. None of us would be without them. But sometimes, they just suck!
I love Aiden so much and when I say I love the change of direction my life took when I had him, I genuinely mean it. I hate to think of not having him and simply can’t bear the thought of anything happening to him. But sometimes, as horrible as it sounds, I don’t always like him. And when Aiden’s doing what toddlers do – acting up and pushing boundaries – and mummy’s exhausted, it’s not a good combination.
Sending You Some Virtual Love
I would love to give you advice on the subject or offer a resolution to anyone experiencing the same things. But right now, I’m still going through it myself. I have no resolution. I just hope that writing it down might give someone else some reassurance that they’re not the only one who’s struggling to deal with a terrible two year old threenager in the throws of toddlerhood!
If you’re a mum who’s just read this and thought, ‘Wow, you’re saying exactly what I’ve been feeling!’ I’m here to say, “I get it and I’m with you.” That’s about all I can offer you right now. That and a virtual hug, a virtual bottle of wine and a huge virtual slab of chocolate. I’m thinking, that’s the only way us mummy’s are gonna get through it!
So, to all the stressed out toddler parents… lets all take a deep breath and remember ‘it’s just a phase’! This WILL pass. It WILL get better. I mean, it better – we have the teenage years look forward to!
And just as an FYI and a shameless self promoting plug, I have been working on some things during my break from blogging. Be sure to check my Etsy shop where you will find some inspiration on making it through the tough days!
P.s. I’m not always this much of a Debbie Downer, subscribe so you don’t miss new posts every Monday, Wednesday and Friday and you’ll see 😉
Night all x
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